The house on Beach Avenue

Sitting on the bed chit chatting with my little sister, my aunt , grandmother  & my cousin about everyday bullshit, like we normally would, cracking jokes and of course gossiping about every or anyone we could possibly think of. This is what we happened during my sister's and I judge appointed every other weekend visits with my father. Though we never really spent time with him nor did we really care too it was all about seeing my cousin who lived with my grandmother. My dad was too busy with his own drug addicted life style to be bothered with two little confused girls.

Before you know it silence rung heavy once the door flew open & it was daddy with his new chick who happens to be the daughter of my childhood babysitter. She babysat us when my parents were still married and I absolutely adored her. She was a Spanish speaking, heavy set woman with smooth caramel complexion extremely religious woman and her door was always open to any and every lost individual in Castle Hill Projects. She had a heart filled with gold until the very day she passed away. I was shocked to find out her husband was an addict and it fucked me up even more to hear how she died. I miss her so much. She would talk to me in Spanish and I would respond in English. Everyone would make fun of me when I did so I refused and I never really tried to learn. Everyday she sat by the window in her kitchen and asked me to comb her long black hair. I would pretend I was a hair stylist. I would get the brush, blow dryer and my fingers were little fake scissors. She loved every minute of it. So did I. She would tried to speak to me in English joking around calling herself beautiful and I would crack up laughing.

But her daughter was the complete opposite loud, foul mouthed and just read seduction all over. During hot summer nights you would not catch her without a pair of high heels, super tight shirt, no bra and a pair of tiny ass shorts that I would now call coochie cutters where you would see the bottom of her but cheeks sticking out. I was so intrigued by her. Her confidence had me mesmerized the very first day I met her. Little did I know sooner than later she would become my stepmother.

 "Cion mami, que hace! "Nada aqui mijo hablando con los muchachas" "Ok mami me voy abajo llama me si necesitio." "Esta bien mijo" My grandmother was the super of a three floor house on Beach Avenue in the Bronx and in the basement were three furnished rooms. After my parents broke up my father decided to rent one of the rooms. He would go upstairs to eat in my grandmother's house and go right back down to his room.

Once my father walked out my grandmother noticed sadness creeping on to my face. I was holding back my tears so tightly and for so many different reasons. I was hurt but most of all confused. It felt like he just didn't want the responsibility of having a daughter let alone two. This man I adored so dearly would begin to act like we did not exist. My grandmother reached out and hugged me, looked right into my suffering eyes & began to say "no te precupre mi Amor si algo te pasa mi Casa es Siempre esta abreta para ti".

But come to find out over 20 years later that was never really the case.