Great Family Game!! Keeps your little ones busy while they are off from school!!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ABA0ZOA/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00ABA0ZOA&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=8cf34e330158dcc5bf510bdd65e4e40c

Good morning guys,


Please feel free to take a look at Poshmark Page!!!


https://poshmark.com/closet/tpagan42

Affordable Printer Ink. So far, so good!





https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EL8C8SS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01EL8C8SS&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=a923e55dcaf81d4872baa62068217651

Libman Freedom Spray Mop,. Just like the Swift Jet Mop, only you get to use your own soap. This is the best thing when you have kids. I'm big on sanitizing my floors!


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004GI9ZZS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004GI9ZZS&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=bee64217df5690b22caa5807a673c9c6

This is my go to guys. Enjoy!!

What would you do if money were no object?
Alan Watts

https://youtu.be/mnFUDVpFwFQ

I don't workout without this vest. Best part is it has a cellphone holder!





https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0761PPHNT/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0761PPHNT&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=31bba65ddfb46c67ff4243e3a8e9decf

Just a small reminder to myself before the year ends. Despite how hard 2017 was for me. Despite how many times I questioned myself? Despite Anxiety and Depression almost getting the best of me? I’m still here, I survived, I continue to strive and I will succeed with my vision on becoming an entrepreneur! 2018 will let me be great and I will never stop working on the best me!

Loving my new pillow cases.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B073CXF3JQ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B073CXF3JQ&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=653e66cf465c12a3dd1734808b752dfd

This book is a great read if you are looking for some goal getting tips! I also follow her on Instagram, so inspiring.



https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692552146/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0692552146&linkCode=as2&tag=tpagan42-20&linkId=f3c6905eb777e304d04d9680c9f086e3

Doctor said: No more beef or pork.
Me: Done.
Doctor said: No more dairy.
Me: Working on it. Finally I think I found a creamer replacement for coffee.
Doctor said: No more cheese.
Me: Oh man
Doctor said: No more sugar.
Me: Oh man

https://www.amazon.com/…/B00HXI…/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl…

I can't tell you guys enough how I love my diffuser. I bought huge bottle of Eucalyptus oil and put it on at night when we're sleeping to help with our sinuses. At makes the room smell lovely!
Best $20 ever spent! Clink on the link below or copy and paste!!

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2FB00Y2CQRZY%2Fref%3Das_li_tl%3Fie%3DUTF8%26camp%3D1789%26creative%3D9325%26creativeASIN%3DB00Y2CQRZY%26linkCode%3Das2%26tag%3Dtpagan42-20%26linkId%3Dd2a896ea0d946432e3636e0e0186f17e&h=ATORQsZqJ6QgHM_i8eOaCXrWzsoqtJ4bS9Fwt9YHRPBQFXoulI_qatVBvkeGoPNHVhbXqHcZiVB9oyCiDHH7V55OrFDP_pBNOiiLTNcJRLhKom5K_EHzfaPTMbFoJ543EMZWKckKX9WZvLWbIqdp-MIr_QtNF8hAwnaT0l8MxZdFLPZ9HGwsC8Vu_YcPM8zYES5lLlBzut08MUw5mUBJpOZqfT1YQeb_4C3yiBpjXQsyc_df7MN2DuyQJ1JNpEVX9sCd3_CcrQbQ9NXnQSRnSWCx9KHMur581Q

I'm getting so tired of purchasing iPhone cables for my cell phone and its not just me the kids as well. I did some research and just ordered these Snugg MFI Certified Lightning Cables because they have a Lifetime Warranty. I'll keep you guys updated on the outcome. k 

Clink on the link below or copy and paste!!

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2FB01HDMM938%2Fref%3Das_li_tl%3Fie%3DUTF8%26camp%3D1789%26creative%3D9325%26creativeASIN%3DB01HDMM938%26linkCode%3Das2%26tag%3Dtpagan42-20%26linkId%3D04060e38a835224e6dc73dcee91bebdc&h=ATM30vlY8oeEWoTUhN6Nnh9JHqnhCh4JNbruiRW9z_jKyUJm8PESCJK-0BUx8azrGTAL5DW-xEBvIxseiC7WSDigjD_pkFi6Mr0P9Gd0l6TJ_v50dGEyWg9zJErl4YkehVPUuo5-ZPKdmu52khqxoz0BeZu009l6jOnY_yUhc-F3lUuh-sJNeVh63f8F6ow2E13XHw00hkjFYsiLXdBDTB-nq6kZOWUlQ-JtbRDPtXOaCoc0cPJhO7rKGeqvwOmYq5kEMygEIC6YyJ-6O8b98Iz2

~The disappearance of Layla Rayne~

Layla Rayne filled a room with her smile. She was tough like her parents and you could tell she would choose to live her life exactly the way she entered this world on her own terms.

Tina decided to get her labor induced when she discovered her OB/GYN was leaving on vacation right after her due date so two days before she made an appointment with her doctor to welcome her baby girl. But little Miss Layla had other plans & after 36 hours of excruciating labor absolutely nothing happened.

Doctor Bryan walked in with the bad news. There is nothing I could possibly physically do to make you physically have this baby today. I'll be back in two weeks if nothing happens while I'm gone we can come back and try it again. In the mean time I will let my partner know to be on stand by just in case. Don't worry you'll be in good hands.

As soon as Doctor Bryan walked out Tina couldn't help but to let her tears flow. Eric held Tina in his arms trying to console her. Baby as long as you and the baby are okay that's all that matters to me. We will just have to wait a few more days to meet our princess that's all. No big deal. Tina started to get up and get dress as she walked into the restroom she noticed there was blood dripping down her legs. At that same moment a nurse walked in and  Eric pointed it out to the nurse. Oh that's probably from the doctor taking out the medicine from being induced. It's fine.

But as Tina began to put on her clothes. Bam! A contraction hits her out of no where. From nothing to 100 in five minutes. Eric had to run back out and caught the nurse walking down the hallway. By the time Eric got back to the room Tina was punching on the wall ready to fuck some shit up.

The nurse tells Tina I just got your doctor she will be here in 45 minutes Tina just laughed and said this baby ain't waiting no 45 minutes. Luckily the doctor arrived much sooner. Tina's doctor said whenever you're ready lay down and push. By the time Tina laid down and placed her feet inside those ice cold stirrups Layla's head was already sticking out. Doctor Bryan was in shock! I can't believe this!!! Alright Tina just push whenever you can. Three hard pushes and baby Layla had entered the world on her own time. 

Tina was so relieved and so excited she was a mommy of a beautiful healthy baby girl. 

Layla!! Yes mama what are you doing out there? Oh nothing mommy just playing with my dolls. Ok well you have to come back in soon it's going to get dark. Awww do I have too? Yes you do. Okkkk mama. Tina decided to give Layla about another 15 minutes while she took a load of wash out of the machine. She felt it didn't take longer than five minutes when she went to the back yard to check on her and didn't see Layla where she left her. 

Layla!!! Layla!! Where did you go sweety? The yard wasn't that big there would be any hiding spots. So Tina ran towards the side fence leading out to the driveway. The fence was open. Tina could feel her heart jumping right out of her chest. She was screaming Layla's name out the top of her lungs neighbors started coming out of their homes too see what was going on and there was no sight of Layla. Tina ran up and down the street calling Layla's name and nothing no cars, no dolls, no Layla. 

What if we lived in a world where people just always said what they were thinking? If everyone decided to move forward with all of their desires and goals. I made a vow to myself back in January when God answered my prayer. I cried my eyes out inside of a bathroom stall at work and begged God to please give me a sign and the next day I was laid off from my job of almost six years.
I told myself I would no longer live like a robot. I want to love and learn to bask in every experience of my life. The good, the bad and the whatever the fuck.

But something has crippled me frozen and I'm still trying to make sense of all this. I recently started to resell some items I have in my closet and research a few other items to being in multiple incomes

I had a dream the other day with London. This dream, no more like a nightmare was so intense it literally woke me up with my heart beating out of my chest. I'm not going to give details because I've decided to make a story out of it.

A long time ago a strange woman came up to me standing online at Starbucks, she told me I have the gift of dreams. Immediately I brushed her off but lately I'm inclined to re-visit this memory. It's possible she is right. Maybe the answers are all in my dreams.

The house on Beach Avenue

Sitting on the bed chit chatting with my little sister, my aunt , grandmother  & my cousin about everyday bullshit, like we normally would, cracking jokes and of course gossiping about every or anyone we could possibly think of. This is what we happened during my sister's and I judge appointed every other weekend visits with my father. Though we never really spent time with him nor did we really care too it was all about seeing my cousin who lived with my grandmother. My dad was too busy with his own drug addicted life style to be bothered with two little confused girls.

Before you know it silence rung heavy once the door flew open & it was daddy with his new chick who happens to be the daughter of my childhood babysitter. She babysat us when my parents were still married and I absolutely adored her. She was a Spanish speaking, heavy set woman with smooth caramel complexion extremely religious woman and her door was always open to any and every lost individual in Castle Hill Projects. She had a heart filled with gold until the very day she passed away. I was shocked to find out her husband was an addict and it fucked me up even more to hear how she died. I miss her so much. She would talk to me in Spanish and I would respond in English. Everyone would make fun of me when I did so I refused and I never really tried to learn. Everyday she sat by the window in her kitchen and asked me to comb her long black hair. I would pretend I was a hair stylist. I would get the brush, blow dryer and my fingers were little fake scissors. She loved every minute of it. So did I. She would tried to speak to me in English joking around calling herself beautiful and I would crack up laughing.

But her daughter was the complete opposite loud, foul mouthed and just read seduction all over. During hot summer nights you would not catch her without a pair of high heels, super tight shirt, no bra and a pair of tiny ass shorts that I would now call coochie cutters where you would see the bottom of her but cheeks sticking out. I was so intrigued by her. Her confidence had me mesmerized the very first day I met her. Little did I know sooner than later she would become my stepmother.

 "Cion mami, que hace! "Nada aqui mijo hablando con los muchachas" "Ok mami me voy abajo llama me si necesitio." "Esta bien mijo" My grandmother was the super of a three floor house on Beach Avenue in the Bronx and in the basement were three furnished rooms. After my parents broke up my father decided to rent one of the rooms. He would go upstairs to eat in my grandmother's house and go right back down to his room.

Once my father walked out my grandmother noticed sadness creeping on to my face. I was holding back my tears so tightly and for so many different reasons. I was hurt but most of all confused. It felt like he just didn't want the responsibility of having a daughter let alone two. This man I adored so dearly would begin to act like we did not exist. My grandmother reached out and hugged me, looked right into my suffering eyes & began to say "no te precupre mi Amor si algo te pasa mi Casa es Siempre esta abreta para ti".

But come to find out over 20 years later that was never really the case.

Sometimes when I go swimming I get this shortness of breath inside my chest. It maybe a strong possibility of overworking the lungs.  But it was a familiar feeling when my dad's body was being carried out of that funeral home on Westchester Ave. That same shortness of breath ran throughout my entire body. An overwhelming thought came across and I couldn't believe what was happening. I would never get the opportunity to speak with my father. We would never get the chance to clear the air and I would never see him again. I never found my voice even as an adult when it came to my issues with my him. Now I'm grieving and trying to figure out all my frustrations and where we went wrong on my own.

On January 2nd, I'll never forget the call. I could tell my sister was crying and struggling to get the words out. "Trace dad died." Just like that sitting at my desk in my office wondering what the fuck I'm suppose to do with this information. Although we already knew he was suffering from depression and sick with a heart condition. It still gave me a shock of numbness.

Both my sisters kept trying to reach out to him. We heard so many different stories, he was being taken advantage, physically abused, getting high again and suffering from a deep depression. We were told he had made comments he was tired and ready to go with the lord. My dad suffered from a bad heart condition, he had two heart attacks, had an open heart surgery and he was supposed to take meds everyday. That did not happen. His first lie was he couldn't afford the medicine so my sister offered to pay he refused. Then she approached him about getting high again and asked him about his comments saying he was fed up and wanted to die. He denied everything. There was a point when he just stopped taking calls. I kept telling my sisters I would try to reach out. I kept convincing myself that I would call but I never did.

When I got the call on January 2nd all I could think about is I fucked up. I convinced myself I contributed to his depression by shutting him out and some how I was a huge part of his downfall. But the truth is he always suffered from depression which is one of the reasons he started getting high in the first place. I remember clear as day he says someone getting high on drugs is committing suicide slowly. But I believe his last marriage is what did him in. His ex wife and the mother of his youngest daughter kept my little sister her away from my dad. Until this day she keeps her away from all of us. I understand they had their problems but what the fuck does that have to do with the other brothers and sisters. She's just a real controlling bitch.

For my father's wake she requested to have a private viewing for her and my little sister. But my My grandmother wasn't having it and blames her for my father's death. She told her there will not be a private viewing and you are not welcomed. My granddaughter has every right to say goodbye to her father but you cannot come to the viewing. And just like that they were both a no show. As a mother I don't think I would ever take the chance away from my child to say goodbye to someone they cared so deeply about. I know my little sister had a strong bond with my dad. But her mom always has the need to get her way.

His ex wife is also a big part of why I stopped speaking to my father. You see I forgave him for all the years he was on the street getting high, I was willing to move forward after he abandoned us throughout those years but it was the abandonment after his recovery that I couldn't let go. He came out of prison, asked for forgiveness then basically disappeared again. He got custody of my younger sister and brother from foster care, got married and had another daughter. They went on vacations together, my full sibling sister and I were never invited. We were forgotten on the holidays and even our birthdays. I convinced myself I didn't give a fuck but every once in a while I picked up the phone to spend time with him or talk with him. There were times I left voicemails and he would he never got the messages. Which to me meant his ex was deleting them. I don't recall the feelings ever being reciprocated and I could never approach him on anything because he was always right or I was making a big deal out of nothing. But somehow in the end I always ended up hurt and disappointed. After a few tries I gave up, I was tired of feeling like I was forcing myself into his life and feeling like a I didn't belong. I was getting annoyed with the non existent birthday or holiday calls. So I convinced myself fuck this I don't need him.

Our relationship was never the same. Our conversations were short and always awkward.  Whenever I was around him my mind was always running a mile a minute but never not once said a word. I was left with so any questions, so many things left unsaid. Then when he died I was consumed with guilt and regret. I cried myself to sleep for so many days. I blamed myself because I never made that one phone call that could have possibly saved his life.